InsaneJournal

Current mood:

exhausted

2
Today's been quite a day ... Let's start at the beginning!

The headaches have really begun to drive me mad. That, plus the dizzy spells were just ... ugh. They were getting to be too much. I was practicing my math exam before I started to panic over it, and it took me having a panic attack to get my mother to accompany me (begrudgingly, I might add) to the emergency room.

For the emergency room on this end of town, it was pretty empty. They took my blood pressure (my mom's little blood pressure machine went into error twice when she tried and worked fine on her, which was her turning point) and asked me some questions. They had me fill out paperwork and give a urine sample, and I waited to be called.

I called the college since exams are today and I had no idea how long I was going to be there, but the Testing Center staff told me that I HAD to be there WITH my class, NO EXCEPTIONS. I was so mad ... and this info will come into play later. Bear it in mind.

I got a room in the emergency room and I just cried and cried ... I've never been to the hospital before for myself. I've never had health problems. But these headaches and dizzy spells are driving me up the fucking wall ... and on exam day, no less. My mom got angry at me for crying so much (I cry a lot ... it's much better than throwing a temper tantrum like my mom does) and she kept saying "you act like you're dying, I've had a heart attack blah blah blah". In that moment in time I seriously gave no fuck about any problem of hers and I just wanted to be out of there and pass my exam so I could go the fuck home and wish my head didn't hurt. I told her that I was sorry I was inconveniencing her and she stormed out, and I just cried until the doctor showed up to ask me questions.

First their job was to calm me down, which wasn't working very well. They kept asking me questions like if I wanted to hurt myself or hurt others, and asked me if I wanted to kill myself. I said no, and that I'd rather be sad and that I couldn't hurt anyone if I tried. I said I was scared and that I had an exam in an hour, and that I had another one later that I wasn't sure if I was prepared for. They made me lean forward and asked if the pressure in my face got worse ... they determined I had a sinus infection that was affecting my ear, hence the dizzy spells. They sent the social worker to talk to me too, and she gave me a bunch of stuff and recommended that I seek therapy for anxiety, and if I needed to have medicine that I could visit the mental hospital on the other side of town. Of course now my mom thinks I'm crazy e_e

Skipping the bureaucracy and the boring parts of my exam, let's get to the results. I'm supposed to get a 24/30 at LEAST. I scored a 27/30 on the practice one more than once. My head is pounding (I had not yet gotten my prescription and would not until after my French Exam, which I had emailed my professor about and informed her of where I was since I was unsure of when I would be there) and there are people from other classes talking over my head and it makes it tough to concentrate. I turn in my test .. 19/30. I pounded the desk and turned in my scrap paper, and stormed out. I went to the math lab and asked questions, asking to review the ones I missed. It turns out I was mixing my positives and negatives ... I did all the work right. But my inability to concentrate caused me to throw the test ... and I wasted my first try to get the fuck out of this horrible class. The staff told me that I also did not have to come today, since I had been at the hospital, and I told them what the Testing Center staff had told me, and they shook their heads in disappointment.

I went to the library to see if my French professor had sent anything ... Nothing, but I DID get an email from my math professor. She said that she knew I'd been feeling terrible for weeks now, and that I should not have taken the test that day under these circumstances. She told me I had another try if I could pass the practice test three times, and that I could do it Tuesday and work with her as well. I'm riding on this test ... I need it.

I spend some time going to the cafeteria and getting some food in me seeing as I hadn't eaten all day, and I read the Orlando Weekly (no good concerts this week, sadly), and then went to French after my brother brought my schoolbooks. (I went straight from the emergency room to math class @_@ not the smartest thing I've ever done ...)

I got a picture of a woman talking to a cafe owner while drinking an espresso ... harder to talk about than I thought! At least she asked me simple questions and I was allowed to construct simple sentences. "Il fait froid aujourd'hui, elle a l'air surpris, l'homme veut trop d'argent, elle est potable un espresso ... Il est vieux et grand!" My French is not so good. :(

I finished my oral exam and left, got in the truck with my brother and went to the store to get my prescription. The grocery store here has free antibiotics, so I got mine for free! Yay! I spoke to the pharmacist there and I asked about side effects because I told her that it was very likely that a side effect of another medication had given me the sinus infection to start with. I told her I'd been on the Nuvaring, and she was surprised that it was affecting me like that. She said the dose may be too high. I wouldn't doubt it, honestly. I bought a bottle of water and took a pill before I even left the store, went back to the truck with my brother and we went home.

I come home and I'm just horribly exhausted, so I put on some TV and lay down with the kittens crawling all over me and texting Chris. He said he was sorry that he didn't do more to help me, but honestly he did a lot. He calmed me down where I could not do it for myself and put sense into me calmly, and I'm really thankful for that. He made me feel better about my math test ... I was kicking myself so hard for it. I finally gave in to my headache and took some ibuprofen just to get some peace for once today, and despite still having some dizzy spells (which actually feel more like hypnic jerks, actually), and managed to watch TV without sobbing in pain.

I'm so very tired, but I'm feeling more optimistic about my headaches and I hope that these meds make all this shit stop. Tomorrow I'm calling the nurse practitioner at Planned Parenthood and asking if I'm okay using the other Nuvaring I have in my fridge. Shame to let 30 dollars go to waste, but I won't do it if I'm in danger of harming myself with it.

I made all this sound a lot worse than how it really went ... There's no doubt it sucked, but I managed to at least be okay throughout the day and at one point I even stopped crying. Chris checked on me and called me a bunch and was as there for me as he could be from the other side of town. He did good and I hope he knows that everything he did really helped.

For now, it's time to watch more Breaking Bad and cuddle the little kitten curled up inside my jacket!